Boredom Buster for a One-Year-Old

I'm sitting here playing with my 15-month-old and decided I would share what we are doing because it something he loves! First let me say that this kid rarely to never hold still! He doesn't really sit and play with toys because he's so busy and has places to be! But this is the one thing that he will sit and do for 15 minutes at a time.  He finds it and brings it to me to open for him and then he'll just sit and entertain himself. I just got some of the lids that you put on mason jars and put Mickey Mouse stickers on them (mainly so I can hear Oliver try to 'quack' when he gets to the one with Donald's picture on it) and then he puts them one by one in an empty wipes container.

That's it folks! That's the game! I'm actually going to put pictures of my kids on some more lids because he thinks it's so fun to see pictures of them and say their names.  It blows my mind how much he loves it but kids this age love to put things in and out of containers. And I also love it because I get to see him make this face while he tries to 'pop' the lids!

Crock Pot Chicken Tacos

I just wrapped up lunch with my little fellas where we scarfed down leftovers from yesterday. And let me tell you it was just as tasty as it was last night so I decided to share! This recipe is super super easy, kid friendly, and full of flavor!

Here's what you do:
Add 3 good sized chicken breasts to your crockpot then sprinkle with one package taco seasoning and one package dry ranch seasoning. Then pour 2/3 cup water over the top.

Cook on high 4-5 hours or until chicken is cooked and shreds easily. Shred the chicken and let cook another 30 to 60 minutes to let it really soak in the flavor. That's it!

Serve in flour tortillas with melted cheese and whatever else you like on your soft tacos. For me it's all about the guacamole!!

My Grandma's Hands - Mother's Day Gift

 Well Mother's Day is just about upon us, friends.  I've been thinking a lot lately about all the little "mom" moments that make me laugh/want to pull my hair out. Being a mom is just the best.  No other way to slice it.  It's the most rewarding thing I've ever done (along with being a wife).  And I think the reason for that is because it really forces me to be UN-SELFISH and gives me countless opportunities to revel in the many successes of my little ones.  My friend and I were talking yesterday about how our true "happy place" is watching our kids in their "happy places".  I love watching the people they are becoming.  It's just the closest glimpse, I believe, we can get of how our Savior and Father in Heaven feel about us and I love that.

Now, don't get me wrong.  Along with all these beautiful moments, comes their fair share of "if you don't shut up (please) I'm going to run away to China" moments.  Of course, I would (pretty much) never actually say those words to my kid. (oops)  Like for instance, yesterday when I was dragging two screaming boys away from the park, which we'd been playing at for 2 hours, so we could pick up their sister from school.  Now that was a good time.  All eyes were on me.  They were all wishing they could emulate my awesome parenting skills because clearly THEY ARE WORKING!

But I gotta admit that those two little freakers are pretty easy to forgive.  I mean, no one else jams to Elton John with me like they do.  They know every word to Something About The Way You Look Tonight.  And that's just irreplacable awesomeness.  Hopefully they forgive me too. :)

I'm getting totally off from my reason for even getting on here today... so let me redirect!  I actually wanted to talk about GRANDMAS and to give you an idea for a Grandma Mother's Day gift.

My grandmas rule.  My Grandma Kathleen died 10 years ago.  I can't believe it's been that long.  I think about her all the time because really I just loved every second I had with her.  I never got tired of being around her.  She was happy and positive and funny and sweet and kind and sassy and really just all the good stuff tied into one person.  And don't even get me started on her baking.  I think in my family we owe our love of frosting to her.  She let me sit on her lap until I was kind of old which was super cool and she could do the splits into her late 60s.  Come on now, who doesn't want a former-Cougarette-split-doing grandma?!

My Grandma Ruth is equally as awesome.  We took these pictures a couple Christmases ago.  In the first one, she's confused because I was trying to take a selfie with her and she couldn't figure out "when we took that picture" that I was showing her on my phone.

Then I explained that it was just me trying to take one of us right now and you can totally see it click for her!  I just love her.  When I was a kid, I'd go spend a week with her every summer.  I'd go to work with her at the auction and play on the ten-key machine while she worked.  Then she'd take me to Macey's and buy me orange tic-tacs.  And one of the coolest things she did was when she called me one day and offered her bike to me because she had heard me saying I wanted to get one so I could ride with my kids.  Yes, I am the proud owner of a hot pink, hand me down bike from my grandma.  I LOVE IT!

And now mine and Tristan's moms are grandmas and they are really the best we could dream of for our kids!  Because for kids, grandmas are just like moms with seemingly unlimited patience and wisdom because they've figured out which things really matter and which things don't!

A few years ago I wrote this poem and based gifts for my kids' grandmas on it.  I don't have a picture of the gifts (sorry!).  I just attached the poem/card to a flower pot filled with "hand" stuff.  I did gardening gloves, lotion, hand towels, nail polish, etc.  You could make this as elaborate or as simple as you want.  It would also be really cute to give it with your kids' handprints.  You could do their prints (or trace their hands) on paper or make any cute little craft with them.  You could also put their handprints on an apron and give her that!  Here's the poem and then a printable in a few colors:

Grandma's Hands

My Grandma’s hands are magic hands,

It seems like they do it all.

They clap and cheer,

They wipe away tears,

They know how to bake,

Lots of cookies and cakes,

They wash the floor,

They shop at the store,

They work, they play,

They fold when she prays,

They write in a card,

They work in the yard,

They help the down-hearted.

See, I’m just getting started,

Listing all her hands can do.

One thing they do best,

Better than all the rest,

Is they help me to do things too!

They color with me,

As we laugh with glee,

They turn pages in books,

They help me to cook,

They show me what’s right,

And they hold me tight.

Of all the things her hands can do,

I’m honestly only naming a few.

But one thing’s for sure,

I can’t ask for more,

Than for my Grandma to be YOU!!

Happy Mother’s Day!

You could obviously use this for moms too.  Here's a couple printable versions for that using "mommy" or "mother":

You should be able to click on the image and save it to your computer and then print it out!

Happy Mother's Day!!

Parmesan Ranch Chicken Strips

Happy Shot Day!  You see, when I'm pregnant I get a shot every Thursday to help keep my baby inside as long as possible and one of the many awesome things about it being shot day is that it means tomorrow is the weekend!  Wahoo!  I just love having the hubbs home all day.

So to celebrate a great day.... here's a quick recipe for:

Parmesan Ranch Chicken Strips

The ingredients are few and they are things I usually have in my pantry and fridge.  You just need chicken + .......

Trim and cut 2 lbs chicken into small-ish strips.  It should give you about a dozen strips.  You could definitely use this breading on a full or half breast - I just like the smaller strips because I have little kids!  Set the chicken aside.

Combine and stir:

• 1 cup bread crumbs (anything will work, including crunched up crackers or corn flakes.  I like panko crumbs because they are a little larger and give a little crunch)
• 2/3 cup parmesan cheese
• 3 Tbs dry ranch mix (this is 2 packets)

To bread chicken:

• Melt a cube of butter in separate bowl
• Dip each strip into butter, then coat well with breading

Lay strips on a foil-lined cookie sheet or in a 9x13 pan.

Bake 400 degrees for 30-35 minutes.  You just want to cook it long enough that the breading gets golden brown but it doesn't dry out the chicken.

We had them with carrot sticks and savory baked potatoes.  I just sprinkle a little seasoned salt on the potato before I roll it up and it seems to give the potato a little extra flavor.

These strips would also be so yummy dipped in marinara sauce!

Chocolate Brownie Pie

Mmmm chocolate! The moment I realized I LOVE chocolate was the moment I became a woman. Like, I'm talking the moment I became ok with being referred to as "that lady" instead of "that girl". You would have thought birthing children and becoming a mother would have done it for me but nope... it was chocolate.  I just feel like it's such a "woman" food. Women love chocolate! Plain and simple! It's a well known FACT!! 

See?! Maybe I've been so set on this idea because my grandma especially loved chocolate -- although she liked dark chocolate too and I'm definitely going to need many more years of experience and maturity before I can appreciate dark chocolate.  As my 3-year-old would say: "it's bleh to me."

But I used to always opt for vanilla and fruity stuff (sometimes I still do)... So therefore I was still a "girl".  Young.  Carefree.  I may be sounding crazy to you but it's a valid argument, I swear. But alas, now I love chocolate. I think it happened when I turned 29.  Like literally that day.  Weird.

AND the other day chocolate sounded particularly tastey so I quickly whipped this up for a little dessert!  It is fudgy and chocolatey and delish!  Oh - and super easy!

Chocolate Brownie Pie

Ingredients:

• 1 fudge brownie mix (and the stuff to mix it up!)
• 1 large box chocolate pudding
• 2.5 cups milk
• 8 oz cream cheese
• 3/4 - 1 cup powdered sugar
• 8 oz cool whip

Directions:

• Prepare brownies in 9x9 pan according to package directions and let cool
• Once brownies have cooled, take a butter knife and slide it along all the edges of the pan and cut in 1 inch(ish) squares but leave it in the pan!  This is the "crust" layer and it stays in the pan but you just want it broken up for easier scooping.  I even took a small metal spatula and ran it under the pieces after I cut them up.
• Beat cream cheese until smooth and add in powdered sugar.  It will probably be kind of dry but will be okay once you add the cool whip.
• Stir in cool whip.  You don't want to beat this too much but you may need to use whatever you're using to beat it (I used my KitchenAid mixer) a little bit to make it a good consistency.
• Spoon this mixture over the brownies, spread it out evenly and place it in the fridge.

• Beat your package of pudding with 2.5 cups milk.  You want this a little thicker than regular pudding.
• Once that's thickened a little pour it over your cream cheese layer.

• Stick it back in the fridge!

You'll want it to set up just a little more before serving but 10 minutes should do the trick!  It doesn't take much!  

Enjoy! 

Choose Beautiful

I'm sure many of you have seen Dove's Choose Beautiful ad. They put signs over the doors of large department stores in a handful of cities across the world. One said "Average" and the other "Beautiful". It was really remarkable watching the women analyze the signs and decide which door they should enter through. One woman even turned around and walked away because she didn't want to make the decision. I think part of the problem is the people worry they will be seen as arrogant if they do admit they see themselves as beautiful. I have to say though, this ad really hit me as I watched it yesterday. 

Right now I'm pregnant for the 5th time. Pregnancies aren't easy for me (are they for anyone?) and I'm getting to the point of ultimate discomfort and awkwardness - which is a little scary seeing as I have 3 months to go!  I can't tell you how many times a day I bump into the counter with my belly thinking that I'm not as big as I actually am! There were definitely times of previous pregnancies where I did feel beautiful and was proud to sport my oversized bump! I felt good and could really appreciate the miracle I was part of in creating life. But can I tell you… I've yet to feel great with this one, let alone BEAUTIFUL!!  I started out 15 lbs heavier than I was with other pregnancies and I just can't let myself off the hook for not ever losing that weight. I've been sick, my hands and feet are swollen already (I usually don't swell or retain water during pregnancy), and my back and hips don't seem to want to stay in alignment where they're supposed to be so I pretty much crookedly waddle everywhere I go! And I don't work out while I'm pregnant to avoid more preterm labor than I'm already going to have which doesn't help with how I feel.  Deep down, I still know it's a beautiful blessing to be pregnant and I am SO SO GRATEFUL. I don't want to minimize that at all... but I'm not really feelin' it on the outside. 

So, like I said, I had a "moment" if you will, when I watched the ad yesterday. Had I been presented with the option of the two doors before seeing the ad, I wouldn't have given the "beautiful" door a chance in my mind. No way. Not for me. But then I saw the mother and daughter. The daughter was going to walk through the "average" door and the mom pulled her over to the other side and made her go through the one labeled "beautiful". It made me think of my Kate. It would break my heart and makes me cry to think she would ever choose to see herself as anything less than beautiful. Let me tell you - this girl is AMAZING! She is smart and kind and thoughtful and has this burning desire to learn! She makes friends so easily and isn't afraid to show how much she loves her family - which is A LOT!!

She can be so hard on herself and critical of little things that don't really matter. Sometimes I wonder why... But then I think of how she hears me talk about MYSELF and I have to ask: am I helping or hurting the matter? 

And then I think about our Father in Heaven who created me and I'm pretty sure he would want me to choose "beautiful". Even when I waddle. Even though I haven't been able to squeeze my wedding ring on for 2 months. Even when I'm wearing my sweatpants and yesterdays makeup. If how much I love my kids is even an slight indication of how much our heavenly parents love us, then I can only imagine the heartache it causes when we fail to recognize our beauty and worth.  How does the saying go?  "God don't make no junk"?

It's a CHOICE! How we view ourselves is a choice.  And I'm going to choose beautiful from now on. For women and girls everywhere, for Kate, for ME!!!  I'm going to forgive myself when I don't look perfect, when I can't get rid of all my split ends, when I don't weigh exactly what I'd like to weigh.  I'm going to focus on how I feel when I'm serving my little ones, my husband, my neighbors.  I'm going to capture the feeling I have in the moments when my kids give me a giant hug or tell me they love me.  Because in those moments I FEEL BEAUTIFUL.

My friend posted this on facebook yesterday: "those times when we feel most miserable, offended, or angry are invariably the occasions when we're also most absorbed in ourselves...." -from Bonds That Makes Us Free

Hello?  YES!!! If you want to feel bad about yourself then focus only on yourself!  The longer I stare in the mirror, the more imperfections I'm going to find.  But the more I get out and serve and love others and LIVE this beautiful life, in this beautiful world I've been blessed with, the better I feel.  I stop caring as much about the little petty things that would have made me balk at the thought of calling myself beautiful and I'm just happy.  And HAPPY = BEAUTIFUL.  Beautiful is so much more than how we look.  But I have to admit, for this little lady... the baby blue eyes and long blonde hair certainly don't hurt!

You can watch the ad here!!

Have a BEAUTIFUL day!!

3 Sure-fire Ways to Entertain Little Boys

If there is one thing I've learned about little boys in my days as a mama it's that they are BUSY!! My two run pretty much everywhere they go (even within the house) and they are constantly wrestling, jumping, exploring! It's really a wonder we are broken-bone-free!

So here are a few things that work like a charm that they LOVE and will keep them entertained when I need a few minutes to, I don't know... Do the dishes, fold some laundry or dare I even say it.... Shower uninterrupted? 

1. Tools

Give a boy a hammer and he's good to go! My boys love tools and sometimes all they need is a piece of wood (a spare piece of a 2x4 or a log both work great) and some nails. I usually grab a handful of nails and get them started into the wood and then let them take over with the hammer. They LOVE IT! They will sit hammering on the deck forever!

2. Play Doh

I know there are lots of play doh haters out there. It does make a mess every single time it comes out... But my kids love it! And I have a vacuum, a broom, a rag to wipe the table, so to me the mess is totally worth it. There are days my barely-3-year-old will spend literally hours (on and off) playing with play doh! I love it too because it's gets his little creative juices flowing! So I think it's totally worth buying a few of the kits, a small rolling pin, cookie cutters, etc for them to use with it and then I supply my own salt dough with this recipe:

Combine and set aside:

1 cup flour
1/2 cup salt
1 t cream of tarter

Mix in saucepan:
1 cup water
1 T oil
Food coloring

Then add in dry ingredient mixture. Cook over medium heat, stirring until it's the consistency you want. (I use a wooden spoon). Remove from pan and knead on wax paper until cool.

My kids love to help make it too! I let them do the food coloring and once it cools enough, they knead it as well.

3. Cleaning Wipes

This one is simple but really a win-win! My boys love to wipe down my chairs and doors with Clorox cleaning wipes. It's so great! They stay busy and I get a cleaner house!! 

It also never ceases to amaze me how long they stay entertained with a bottle of windex and some paper towels. My 5-year-old will windex my windows and mirrors until they are so clear it looks like you could walk right through them! We have had to limit the number or squirts he does per window though or else we just end up with a big windexy, streaky mess!

I love new ideas... So what are your tricks to help your boys (or girls) channel all that energy?

Bookcase Do-Over

Guess what!  I have something to share with you!  And it's not sad.  :)

Firstly though... thank you to all of you who read my post about my sweet angel boys.  It means a lot to a mom who has lost a child to know that they are not forgotten.  So, just you reading my story about them comforts me.  An awesome friend is working on a picture of them for me and I can't wait to share it on here when it's ready!

But back to my happy -- not sad -- reason for hopping on here tonight!  I transformed a bookshelf.  I'm a transformer, if you will!  I've had this bookshelf since I got married (that was over 9 years ago) and my mom had it for heaven only knows how long before that.  This book shelf had seen far, far, FAR better days.  It started falling apart probably 20 years ago so she nailed a stick (basically) to the back of it to try and sturdy it up.  I'm sure it helped, but it was still a sad little bookshelf.  In fact, once I was talking to my mom about what furniture I had, trying to figure out what should go where in my house, and she laughed when I brought up the bookshelf and said "I can't believe you are counting that as an actual piece of furniture!"  But I'm so cheap, er, I mean frugal and I just couldn't throw it out!  So, I worked a little magic and now she's sturdy as Rocky Balboa!  Here's some before pics:

Check out what was holding up the shelves!  See that screw?  Also, one shelf didn't have all 4 corners supported so I had to have a little bucket on the shelf below to hold it up.  Super classy.

And here's my mom's fabulous 20-year-old work on the back.  This baby swayed with the wind she was so unsteady!

The bookcase makeover was really 2-part:  make it sturdier and make it cuter.

Part 1:  Sturdier
I took off that thin back board and threw it in the trasher!  Then I went to Lowe's and bought some slats for a wood fence.  I think they were about $1.15 each.  I wanted variety so some were 6" wide and some were 4".  Then we cut them to be the height of the bookcase and used a nail gun to hook them to the bookcase.  So easy!  Then I also got new little shelf holder things.  I don't even know what they're called but they're really inexpensive (a couple dollars is all) and now the shelves actually sit in place.  Imagine that!

Part 2:  Cuter
Before we hooked the fence posts to the bookcase, we sanded the corners of the boards and I stained them with a medium walnut stain.  Then I painted everything else a fun coral color.  Again, super easy!

And here's the after:

Now this is one of my favorite pieces of furniture in my bedroom.  Our comforter is white so this pop of color is just what our room needed!  I think with all my supplies the renovation probably cost about $25.

Oh and I have to show the fun vase I found at Hobby Lobby!  It matches our sheets/pillows perfectly  with the seaside blue color that I've got goin' on in here and it looks so cute next to my jewelry box!

My Experience with Loss

This past week has been "Baby Loss Awareness Week".  It seems like there's an "awareness" day/week/month for just about everything.  Just go here and you'll see what I mean!  So I've been thinking... what's the point?!  Bringing awareness to everything is basically the same thing as bringing awareness to nothing.  But I'll tell you... I think I was wrong (this was the first time).  One thing about life is that we all have such different paths.  Different backgrounds, different strengths, different weaknesses, different successes, different challenges.  And all these different "awareness" days are a chance for us to not only celebrate those differences but to find common ground out there and to remember that we are not alone.

Maybe Baby Loss Awareness Week doesn't resonate with everyone.  Maybe you connect more with National Left-handers Day or Be Nice to Nettles Week.  But my heart skips a beat when it's Baby Loss Awareness Week.  Because my heart and soul has been forever changed by baby loss.  And it does my heart good to take a little time to ache for others who have also experienced the devastating loss of a child.

It's important to remember that though our Savior's atonement, we can be healed from all pain.  You can read about my experience of healing after my loss here.  The sting lessens, smiles return, and peace will come.  But it still hurts.  And I'm still sad.  And I still cry.  And today, I want to share my story....

From the time I was a teenager, I used to worry that I would have a hard time getting pregnant.  There were many careers that sounded fun to me but all I really wanted to be was a wife and mom.  Other than that, I knew I could be content with pretty much anything!  I was fortunate to marry my sweetheart when we were 21.  We had known each other for 6.5 years and didn't really have any sort of difficulty adjusting to married life.  We LOVED it (still do)!  A month before our first anniversary, we found out I was pregnant!  We worked for the same company, along with some of our closest friends so when I got the call from the lab with my bloodwork I hurried to call Tristan over to my building and we asked our friends to come outside in the parking lot where we told them.  We were just a little excited - announcing after minutes of finding out!  I kept having these thoughts that we were having twins so I would joke with Tristan about it.  I had some nausea but as long as I ate pretty much constantly I was able to keep it under control.  (I must have looked like such a pig to all my co-workers!)

Then, on June 30th, I had my initial OB appointment.  As soon as the doctor put the ultrasound thing on my belly I knew what I was seeing!  TWO BABIES!!!  It was clear as day.  Both had very strong heartbeats and my growth was perfect!  I measured about four weeks big... no wonder I was having a hard time buttoning my pants already!  This was literally my dream coming true.  All our family and friends were so supportive and excited for us.  So things moved along nicely for the next few months.  I loved being pregnant.  And I learned to recognize which baby was dancing inside me each time I felt movement.  It was amazing to me how natural it was to love them so fully and individually.  At 16 weeks we found out that they were both little boys.  We went to Babies R Us right after the appointment and picked out a few outfits each.  It was becoming real!  As my little guys grew, I could feel the strain it was putting on my body and I knew it was a good possibility that I would be on bedrest as I became further along.  So, we did what we could to prepare.  I talked to my boss and came up with a last day of work the following month.  We posted my position and started taking applications.  We bought two cribs and two bouncers.  We were slowly but surely getting ready!

Then one day I woke up and started getting ready for work just like any other day.  But this day I was hurting.  I was so cautious of complaining because I knew what an amazing blessing it was to be pregnant in the first place and I didn't want to take that for granted.  SO... I didn't say anything.  We drove to work and the pain didn't go away.  It got stronger at times but it never really went away.  It felt like bad menstrual cramps and a pretty intense lower backache.  A couple people throughout the day had noticed that I was struggling but I insisted I was fine.  I basically just sat at my desk and did my thing.  I had heard that pregnancy was uncomfortable and was sure that was normal.  It hadn't been too bad up until this point so this must just be my turn for the hard part of pregnancy!  Plus, I was carrying twins so it only made sense that it would be a little more uncomfortable.  By about noon it just wasn't letting up and I was struggling to walk and talk.  So, I called my mom.  She asked if I felt like my stomach was hardening like a contraction.  I didn't know what to say!  I felt constant pain more than hardening.  I just felt clueless!  So, I kept working.  I would say, I don't know what I was thinking!, but I do know... I didn't know what to do and I didn't feel like what I was feeling matched the definition of what I'd heard contractions felt like.  And actually, no one had really explained to me what signs of preterm labor I should watch out for.  AND I was trying so hard not to complain.  But, by 4:00 I couldn't take it much more so I called Tristan and we went straight home.  I called the doctor and they told me to lay down, drink lots of water and to go to the hospital if I felt more than 4 pains in the next hour.  Well, I had 4 within the next 15 minutes..... so off to the hospital we went.

We arrived at Labor and Delivery and they hooked me up to all the machines.  The babies were doing great but my contractions were coming every minute - and I wasn't even feeling many of them.  The sweet nurse checked my cervix and I could tell from the look on her face that it wasn't good news.  I was dilated to a fingertip.  I would be 20 weeks along the next day so this was way to early to be dilating.  They don't really consider a baby viable until 24 weeks and even then there are so many potential challenges.  So, they gave me terbutaline shots.  I was shaking and my heart was racing, but the contractions seemed to calm.

Around midnight, they got ready to send me home on strict bed rest and told me to come back if I felt anything like what I'd felt earlier that day.  As I stood up out of the bed I had massive contraction.  When the nurse saw that she told me to lay back down, she checked me again and I had progressed to a full centimeter.  They started me on magnesium sulfate and morphine, tipped my bed so my head was down and feet were up in hopes that gravity would work in our favor.  My temperature shot through the roof because of the Mag.  My mom and sister had rushed up to the hospital and they, along with Tristan rotated rags from a bucket filled with ice water to my forehead, arms and chest.  The medicine also made me extremely nauseous so they took turns holding a bucket for me to throw up in as I was laying upside down.  A couple hours later they checked me with high hopes but told me I had progressed to 3 centimeters.  The nurse told us that as long as we could keep me less than 4, we had hopes of keeping me pregnant for 4 more weeks.  That felt like an eternity at that point.  I was thinking, I'm just trying to stay pregnant for another hour, let alone another month!  They brought in an ultrasound technician to measure my babies, just in case my dates were off.  I knew they weren't.  My boys measured with a couple days of where they should be.  An hour later, the nurse checked me again and after she told us I was to 4 centimeters, she looked to Tristan and my mom and said, she's going to need some tissues and now would be a good time for a Priesthood Blessing.  I had had one earlier in the night and even though things were going bad so fast, I knew that Heavenly Father was mindful of us.  My heart broke a little more as I listened to my sweet husband tell his mom over the phone through his tears that "the babies are coming."  His parents drove straight over to the hospital.  My mom called my dad, who was out of town, and he made arrangements to fly home as soon as he could.

Soon my doctor showed up and the nurse began to explain what we could expect our babies to look like and to talk with Tristan and I about our "options".  We knew without even thinking about it... we would hold them for every minute we had with them.  About 6:30 am it was time.  They were coming.  I had tried my best to hold it together but as the doctor sympathetically said, "Michelle, I need you to push", I lost it.  This was it.  They were going to die.  I was losing them.  I gave a small push and he had both boys out within two minutes of each other.  They were absolutely beautiful.  They were 10" long and weighed 10.9 and 12.4 ounces.  They had eyelashes, fingernails and gripped our fingers with their tiny little hands.  It was one of Heavenly Father's tender mercies that we had already decided on their names.  Jackson Lee and Kyler John.  Our angels.  They lived for about 15 minutes.

The days, weeks and months that followed were filled with hard moments.  I had a paper hanging on my hospital door that reminded guests to "be quiet, we're mourning".  We stopped at a mortuary on our way home from the hospital and picked out a casket.  I went home and wrote a short obituary and made calls to our family members about the graveside service.  Thank heavens for our parents!  Our moms planned that whole thing for us.  I don't know how we would have done it without them! The morning of the service I was so stressed about what shirt to wear.  Like it mattered!  I just wanted something blue.  I know it's weird.  For whatever reason it felt to me like my way of honoring my boys.  I woke up each morning and sobbed for the first few hours of the day.  The doctors and nurses at the hospital assured me that my future appointments would be canceled but still I got a call 2 weeks later from the perinatologist's office to confirm my ultrasound appointment.  Then I got to explain to the lady on the other end of the phone what happened after she acted like I was the world's most neglectful mom for telling her I needed to cancel and not reschedule that appointment.  I continued to get flyers in the mail with coupons for formula, diapers and other baby goods.  Simply put, it sucked.  My arms were so empty.  My house was so quiet.  Way too quiet.

But after the first few weeks I learned that it was okay to smile without feeling guilty.  So I found lots of reasons to be with family and as many reasons as I could to smile.  I took my new little puppy to all of my sister's tennis matches.  I remember about a week after I delivered, my mom was hanging out with me at my house and she said, "I don't know what to do but I just want to be with you."  That's what I needed.  To know I wasn't alone.  Tristan was my absolute rock.  And I'm not talking like a strong person to lean on - I'm talking like the giant mountain range that held my world together.  Because somehow, my world didn't completely fall to the ground.  It came close, but it didn't.  It didn't because I had family and friends and strangers sending thoughts and prayers and support and love every second of every day.  A few co-workers came over and planted two beautiful trees in our backyard.  Another group made us a quilt.  Family and friends traveled far to attend the graveside service.  Our parents' employers sent gifts and cards and plants.  Our hospital bills and costs associated with the mortuary, casket, obituary, burial plot and headstone were all covered with donations.  One cousin arranged a trip for Tristan and I to get away together.  The hospital gave us molds of our their hands and feet.  Friends and neighbors brought cards, poems, tissues, dinners, treats and everything else you can imagine to remind us that they were thinking of us.  My boys would be 8 years old and the love and support has continued.  People seem to remember and understand that although life has gone on and we've moved forward, I'll never "get over it".

My world didn't crumble because I knew my Heavenly Father loved me and I knew my babies were okay.  They were with their Savior.  At first I worried about them because I worried what they'd do without a mom.  Everyone needs a mom!  But then I knew my Grandma Kathleen was loving on them for me.  I still long to know what their favorites are.  I feel like I know them some... but not enough.  I think I know who would have been jumping off the swingset and who would have been climbing on my lap asking for a story.  I think.

Like I said, we all have our different trials - and I don't think it does any good to compare who has it better or worse.  I think the best thing we can possibly do is set all judgement aside and reach out and love and support each other a little more.

To everyone out there that can relate... I'm thinking of you.  Fight the urge to call the formula company and rip their heads off for sending you coupons congratulating you on your child's first birthday.  They mean well, kind of.

Kitchen Time Savers

A few weeks ago I was asked to come up with some tips for saving time in the kitchen that I could share at a church activity.  Time is so precious, I love every opportunity I have to set even just a little bit aside to spend it doing what I love!  

Here are a few ideas I came up with (along with a few recipes that tie in).  I've shared a couple of the recipes before but that just means they must be really good ones, right?!

Time saving tips 

for meal prep!

1.      Shop for 5-10 meals at the same time - take a few minutes every week to plan out a menu then make ONE trip to the grocery store!.  Not only will you save time by not having to run out to grab last minute ingredients daily, but you'll notice you end up actually spending less money too!  

2.     Make double and freeze ½ for later - self explanatory right?  I wish I remembered to do this more often.  I love having a handful of meals in the freezer so after any given busy day I have something to throw in the oven or crock pot with minimal effort and no one even knows I forgot to make dinner that day!  It's a much better alternative to fast food!

a.      Taquitos

b.     Chicken Noodle Soup

c.      Pork Sandwiches

3.     Utilize your crock pot - There are quite a few recipes that weren't necessarily created as "crock pot recipes" but work great in there.  I've found that from 3:00 - 7:00 is usually my busiest time of the day so it's nice to not have to squeeze "prepare dinner" in there as well!  I need to remember more often to plan ahead and get something in the crock pot.  Too often, it's 4:00 before I even think about dinner and I've totally missed my chance to use the crock pot that day!

a.      Bonnie’s Chicken Fiesta

b.     Taco Soup

c.      BBQ Chicken

4.     Prepare your meat and cheese ahead of time - This can be a money saver too.  I cook and shred my chicken or brown ground beef, ground sausage or ground turkey and freeze it in quart ziplock bags in either 1/2 or full pounds.  It takes the same amount of time to brown 5 pounds as it is to do 1 and yet it cuts out a considerable amount of time if you don't have to do it every day.  The same thing goes for shredding cheese.  I grate 5 lbs at a time and fill freezer bags.  If you have the slicer/shredder attachment for a kitchenaid this is easy peasy lemon squeezy!

a.      Spaghetti Pie

b.     Layered Enchiladas

5.     GOOD SPORT NIGHT! (I've mentioned this before too, but this is a fancy name for leftover night.  Usually once a week we have a night where we all "open the fridge and be a good sport"!  I usually plan it for our busiest night of the week where we attempt to juggle soccer games, dance class, church meetings, homework and every other little thing that seems to come up!)

Baked Creamy Chicken Taquitos

Recipe by Our Best Bites

Ingredients

1/3 cup (3 oz) cream cheese (low fat is fine, avoid fat free)

1/4 cup green salsa

1 tablespoon fresh lime juice

1/2 teaspoon cumin

1 teaspoon chili powder

1/2 teaspoon onion powder

1/4 teaspoon granulated garlic, or garlic powder

3 Tablespoon chopped cilantro

2 Tablespoon sliced green onions

2 C shredded cooked chicken (for extra yumminess, use grilled taco chicken!)

1 C grated pepperjack or plain jack cheese

small flour or corn tortillas

kosher salt

cooking spray or olive oil

Heat oven to 425. Line a baking sheet with foil and lightly coat with cooking spray.Heat cream cheese in the microwave for about 20-30 seconds so it’s soft and easy to stir. Add green salsa, lime juice, cumin, chili powder, onion powder and granulated garlic. Stir to combine and then add cilantro and green onions. Add chicken and cheese and combine well.   You can prepare up to this step ahead of time. Just keep the mixture in the fridge.

If using corn tortillas, work with a few tortillas at a time and heat in the microwave, wrapped in damp paper towels until they are soft enough to roll without cracking. Usually 20-30 seconds will do it. If using flour tortillas straight from the fridge, it helps to warm them in the microwave so they’re easier to roll.

Place 2-3 T of chicken mixture on the lower third of a tortilla, keeping it about 1 inch from the edges.  Roll up tortillas and place seam down on a baking sheet, not touching one another.  Spray lightly with cooking spray, or lightly brush with olive oil and sprinkle lightly with kosher salt.  Place pan in oven and bake for 15-20 minutes or until crisp and the ends start to get golden brown.  Remove from oven and let cool slightly before serving.  Dip in sour cream, or our favorite: Creamy Lime-Cilantro Ranch.

Freezer Instructions: Prepare the taquitos through rolling them out and placing them on the baking sheet. Place the baking sheet in the freezer and freeze until solid, then transfer to a large freezer bag. When ready to cook, preheat oven to 425 and place the taquitos on a lined baking sheet. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until golden brown and crispy.

Yields 12-16, when using 6″ tortillas, depending on how full you make them.

Chicken Noodle Soup

Ingredients

2 chicken breasts, cooked and shredded or diced

1 cup chopped celery

1 cup chopped carrots

1 cup chopped onion

1 T oil

1 cup peas

8 oz egg noodles

Chicken Broth (or water and bouillon)

1 can cream of chicken soup

Place chicken in large pan and cover with broth (or water and bouillon).  Boil until cooked through.  Strain over bowl to collect broth but filter out the yucky, goupy part of the chicken.  Set broth aside.  Put celery, onions and carrots in pan with a small amount of oil and saute 5 minutes or until color deepens and they begin to soften.  Add broth from cooking chicken and additional broth (so you have about 8-12 cups total).  Add chicken.  Mix in cream of chicken soup and cook over medium heat until it boils and flavors have time to mix.  (If you are freezing, now is the time!  Add noodles when you heat it up to serve it.) Add noodles and cook until soft. 

  

Smoked Pork Sandwiches

Ingredients

2-3 lb Pork Roast

Sea Salt or Kosher Salt

3T liquid smoke

½ cup soy sauce

1 cup water

Rub outside of roast with salt.  Place in crock pot and pour soy sauce, water and liquid smoke on top.  Cook 6-8 hours.  Shred meat.  Optional:  serve with BBQ sauce

Bonnie’s Crockpot Chicken Fiesta

Recipe from Body for Life

Ingredients

4 chicken breast halves (1 lb)

1 20 oz jar Pace Picante Sauce

1 cup frozen corn

1 15 oz can Black Beans, drained

2 cloves minced garlic

2/3 c long rice

Spray crock pot.  Add all uncooked ingredients to crock pot and cook on high for 5-6 hours.  Shred chicken, mix well and cook an additional 15-30 minutes.  Serve in tortillas with cheese and sour cream.

Homemade BBQ Sauce

Ingredients

1 cup Ketchup

½ cup brown sugar

1 TBS worcestershire sauce

¼ cup vinegar

Cook chicken, pork roast or boneless pork ribs in crock pot.  Drain juices off meat.  Mix ingredients together and pour over meat.  Cook for an additional 30 minutes.  Serve plain or on buns for a sandwich.

Layered Enchiladas

Ingredients

10 tortillas

chicken, cooked and shredded (you can either cook a couple chicken breasts or use canned chicken)

2 cups sour cream

1 small can green chilies

1 can refried beans

1 can cream of chicken soup

2 cups cheese, grated

chopped olives (optional)

Mix soup, sour cream and green chilies together.  Place a large spoonful of mixture in bottom of 9x13 pan and spread evenly so the bottom of the pan is lightly coated.  Make a layer of tortillas in bottom of pan.  I've found the easiest way to do this is to cut the tortillas in half and place the straight edges along the edges of the pan.  I usually use 5-6 half pieces per layer.  Then spread refried beans and sprinkle cheese on top.  The beans can be easier to spread if they are warmed.  I usually just do it in a bowl in the microwave.  Next add 1/2 of your soup mixture.  Then sprinkle your chicken and more cheese.  Add another layer of tortillas.  Top with remaining soup mixture and lots of cheese. (if you're going to use olives, just sprinkle them on top)  Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.  This works as a freezer meal too.  Just prepare, cover in heavy tinfoil, and freeze.  Then when you bake it just make sure it's hot all the way through – your bake time will vary depending on how thawed it is before you bake.

Taco Soup

Ingredients

1 lb ground beef, browned

1 can corn

2 cans diced tomatoes

1 can kidney beans

1 can pinto beans

1 pkg taco seasoning

Add all ingredients into crock pot.  Do not drain any of the cans.  Simmer in crock pot on high for 1 hour.  Serve with corn chips, cheese and sour cream.

Spaghetti Pie

This recipe fills a 9x13 pan and will feed 8-12 people.

Ingredients

12oz spaghetti noodles

4 eggs

3T butter

2T parsley flakes

1 1/2t salt (divided)

2/3c + 1/2c grated parmesan cheese

2c cottage cheese

1 1/2c shredded mozzarella cheese (divided)

1t Italian seasoning

1 lb ground sausage

48 oz spaghetti sauce

Layer 1 - Noodles

Cook noodles according to package directions.  Drain and return to pan.  Place butter in with noodles and stir until melted.  In a separate bowl, beat eggs and then stir in parsley flakes, 1t salt and 2/3c parmesan cheese.  Pour egg mixture over noodles - stirring fairly rapidly until all noodles are coated.  Layer in 9x13 pan. (no need to grease pan - the delicious butter helps with this!)

Layer 2 - Cheese Filling

Combine in bowl: cottage cheese, 1/2c mozzarella cheese, 1/2c parmesan cheese, 1/2t salt and Italian dressing.  Spread evenly over noodles in pan.

Layer 3 - Sauce

Brown sausage.  Pour sauce over sausage in pan and heat through.  Pour on top of cheese layer in pan.

(this is where you'd cover and stick it in the freezer if you are saving it for later)

Cover pan with tin foil and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.  Remove cover, sprinkle 1c shredded mozzarella cheese on top and return to oven for 5-10 more minutes.  You want all edges to be bubbly and the all the cheese to be nicely melted.